September 20, 2008 at 2:39 am (Uncategorized) (, , , )

I know, such a typical title, but seriously it’s all my befuddled mind could come up with.  I am glad it’s Friday, more specifically Friday night!  Fun shall commence.  Or in my case, an early night because apparently I skipped through my 20s and headed to 60!  It’s sad really, but I’m addicted to sleep.  Actually, that’s probably because I don’t get “restful” sleep.  No REM sleep here.  I would one day love to achieve this state, but until then, I’ll continue being a zombie-like creature every day of the week.

Victor wants a new car.  But not just any car.  He wants a fast, speedy, American (new) muscle car.  Any hints?  Well I’m trying to force a TransAM, but it’s either a TA or a Camaro.  I much prefer the TA body style over the Camaro.  So we are trying to finagle this into happening.  Except that he is driving me batty about it.  And I understand.  I know the feeling of wanting something so bad its all you think about.  But good grief can we talk about something else for a minute or two?  Poor guy.  I’m trying really hard to make it work though.  I want the best for him, afterall he does deserve it.  He has to put up with me, which is no easy feat sometimes.  I’ll let ya’ll know what goes on with that issue.

There really isn’t much else going on in my life.  I would like to do some housework this weekend, but I set that goal every weekend, and I just never seem to get it done.  I’d also like to do some yardwork too but I’m thinking that will go something like the housework thing, so yeah.  I also need to take my chapter 3 Economics quiz and then the test.  I would have that done already, as in last weekend, except my printer ran out of ink and ink is very expensive and I am cheap.

And that is all I have.  I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!


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Not Such a Swell Start

September 17, 2008 at 12:57 am (Uncategorized) (, , )

So this whole doing new things, yeah, it’s not going as I would have liked.  Isn’t that always the case though?!  Sometimes working does lend itself to fun, creative things, but I am going to work on this.  I actually have some ideas formulating in my big ol’ head – notice I didn’t say brain, I’m a humble braggart.  Hopefully I will have time to start living my life, but alas, who knows.

I believe we will be hiring 2 new folks at my work.  This should be an interestng change of pace.  I’m excited and hesitant because, relatively speaking, we have a pretty good group of folks whose personalities don’t clash right now.  I guess you could say we have weeded out the misfits!

On Sunday there was a shooting not far from my Mom’s house, and I somewhat know the person who was shot.  I read his sister’s blog, and I go to Church with them.  Anyways, he is 16 and was running around the Grand Prairie High School track around 9pm Sunday night.  Apparently a gold cadillac pulled up parallel to the track, rolled the window down, and shot him in the cheek!!  Instead of dropping to the ground, he turned around and ran for his life!  Luckily, the car drove off and there were 2 other people running around the track, so they took him home and then he was rushed to the hospital.  Thank Heavens he is OK!  That is so incredibly scary for me.  I am paraonid about my Mom, of course, but who would do such a thing to an innocent 16 year old boy?!  If that bullet would have been inches any other way, he wouldn’t be here.  I just don’t understand the ways of this world.  It makes me terrified to even think about having a child in a world like that.  But, God is good and he will prevail, I’m sure of it!

On that note, I think I shall end ye ol’ post.  I’m so tired for some odd reason.  Happy Hump Day folks!

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September 14, 2008 at 11:17 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

Yes, it’s Sunday.  But, I don’t feel nearly as miserable as I used to.  I’m not sure why, it could be that maybe I’m not on the placebo and am actually taking some type of medicine that redcues anxiety.  I will have to say that, excluding Thursday, I really haven’t had any headaches in about 2 weeks.  I think that tells me something right there.  My headaches are anxiety induced.  In some ways that seems quite odd to me, because how is that possible?  But in other ways, I guess it kind of makes sense.  I’m a medical mystery I’m telling you.

I am currently contemplating home imporvement projects like nobody’s business.  And the more I watch HGTV, the worse my wants become!  I really want to rip up the carpet and stain the concrete throughout the majority of the house, but I’m beginning to think this might be harder than I had originally thought.  The only reason this is an issue is because of my cats.  I don’t think it would be too safe for them running around the house while I’m completing this project, and that poses a problem.  I guess I’ll have to figure that one out.  I also have a million ideas running through my head of what I’d like to do.  So much to do, so little time and money!  I’d like to make this house really shine, it has so much potential.  I think our first project is going to be the front and back yards.  There is a ton of work that needs to be done there, including tree trimming/removal.

My life is actually pretty boring, if you must know.  Not much interesting goes on around here.  I work at least 9 hours a day, I come home and don’t do much, then go to bed.  I guess my life is boring because I make it that way.  I don’t do much in the way of livening up my life.  Don’t get me wrong though, this doesn’t mean my life sucks, it just means its boring.  And that makes it awfully hard to blog when one doesn’t do much of anything, let alone anything of interest.  So, maybe I should make some kind of resolution to getting out and doing something every week!  I would just need suggestions, because frankly, I think Dallas is quite boring!  That and I’m a picky person to entertain, also one on a budget.

As blogland is my witness, I am going to try and broaden my horizons and put some spark and enjoyment into my life!  No matter if it’s trying a new food, restaurant, activity, or home improvement project, I’m going to get out there and enjoy this life God gave me.  Life is way too short for me to sit on my butt all the time!

I hope everyone has a great week!!

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September 12, 2008 at 12:45 am (Uncategorized) (, , )

I’m sick and frustrated.  Basically, I think I may have accidentally taken too much medicine on an empty stomach and that caused me to get horribly sick.  I actually ended up leaving work at 10:50 and I seriously didn’t think I was going to make it home.  I still feel bleck but I’m alive at least.  And, I didn’t throwup, not even once, so that’s a huge bonus!

My day hasn’t been very productive or interesting.  But, I feel better after yesterdays post, even though it brought out some very raw emotions I still don’t feel like I’m ready to deal with.  It was completely necessary and I’m actually proud of myself for being able to post it and not even once think about making it private.  I kind of feel like it was a tribute to my Dad.  And, in a way, it was a coping tool for me.  I wish I could have my Mom read it, but I don’t know if she will or could.  My Mom is in no way a weak woman, but she is still sufferring gravely from my Dad’s death.  They were incredibly close and she is, in essence all alone now.  Don’t get me wrong, I am and always will be there for my Mom, but I could never replae my Dad, nor would I want to.  I had the benefit of having Victor to help me through his death.  And while he couldn’t provide much solace for me, I wasn’t alone and I could always talk to him.  My Mom and I don’t speak much about my Dad to each other because it is a constant source of pain.  I’m hoping one day we will get to the point of being able to remember happy thoughts without tears and pain.

OK, I’m done touching on that subject for awhile now.  The seasons are slowly starting to change and we are heading into my favorite time of the year.  I LOVE fall and winter.  This time of year is always so busy and jovial.  That cool in the air does wonders for my soul!  There’s so much to celebrate/take part in.  There’s Halloween, my anniversary, Thanksgiving, Victor’s birthday, and Christmas!  All such happy things for me.  It takes me back to my childhood and all the pleasant memories I have of those times.

I guess Hurrican Ike is headed this way.  I actually just saw a “Tropical Inland Warning” on my TV screen just a few minutes ago.  This is so odd to me!  I live probably 4 hours away from the coast, I’ve never had to worry about Hurricanes before.  Of course this really isn’t that big of a deal, we aren’t right on the coast and things should be too bad.  I love the rain and it will be most welcome here.  I guess it’s just odd.  As some accounting firm down the street says on their billboard, “It’s a Sign of the Times”.

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September 11, 2008 at 2:42 am (Uncategorized) (, , )

I chose to make this evening all about myself.  Luckily, this worked out well since my husband is having to work quite late tonight, and although I didn’t get home as early as I would have liked, it’s my evening none the less.

I actually started formulating this blog while I was at my Doctor’s appointment for the anixety research.  My mind wanders, all the time (coincidentally, this is a huge sign of anxiety), and it stumbled across a blog I had read earlier in the day, say around 2pm.  This particular blog was about the bloggers upcoming 25th birthday, and this got me thinking.  She is ecstatic about turning 25 and what the future holds for her.  I would link to her blog, so you could see her excitement and her eloquence, but I don’t “know” her and I don’t feel like she would appreciate that.  However, I can’t say the same about my birthday.  My main hangup is probably the fact that I feel I can never enjoy my birthday ever again.  See, my Dad died May 6, 2006… my birthday is May 7th.  That was my 21st birthday and my Dad died.  I was very close with my Dad, I have always thought he was the coolest person ever!  He had lived such a life, his stories were fantastic.  And he loved me more than anything in the world.  I was the one thing he had waited on forever!  He treated me so well and did anything and everything for me.  He was such a great husband and father and he was takend from me.  And naturally I have made the choice to live in pain and to loathe my birthday as it serves as a painful reminder of what I am missing.  I truly feel like part of my heart was ripped out of my body that night.  I can honestly say, that was the worst day of my life.  Never have I felt that pain, and I hope to never feel it again.

I can’t exactly say that my Dad’s death was unexpected (I seem to have gotten a bit sidetracked from my original post, but I feel writing this down is extremely beneficial and necessary, so bare with me).  He had been sick since I can remember.  See, my Dad was basically 51 when I was born and had been smoking since he was a kid.  He never was able to kick that habbit, and that was probably the number 1 cause of his death.  In October 2005 he had a heart attack at home, and I was home alone with him.  But he would not let me call 911.  I knew something was wrong… he had such trouble breathing and he was clearly in pain.  I begged him to let me call, but he refused.  My Dad always was stubborn like that.  When my Mom finally got home from school, I told her what was going on, and she too tried to call 911, but he wouldn’t let her.  She obliged so as not to agitate him.  She did however force him to the Doctor the next day, and he was immediately taken to the hospital.  Tons of tests were run and this and that was done, it’s all a bit fuzzy because I truly believed my Dad was invincible and would overcome it all!  My Dad has been having stomach problems for probably 10 years and he has been to every specialist under the Sun and no one could figure out what was going on.  That was part of why he was in the hospital for well over a week, they were running tests, but naturally came up with nothing.  During his stay, my Grandma, his Mom, died.  The second most painful thing I’ve ever experienced was going into that hospital room and telling my Dad his Mom had died, and there was no way we could get to the funeral in Tennessee.  I think I too died a little that day.  To see your Dad already so weak, and then to drop that bombshell on him, was almost more than I could take.  I can still remember his face, and it kills me.  My Dad was very close to his Mom, and we knew it was coming, but not then.  She was very ill and we had known for almost 2 years she wouldn’t be here much longer.  My Dad never said much about her or her death afterwards.  I know it must have killed him.  And he spent so much time home alone, I can only imagine what ran through his mind.

Tuesday night, right before Thanksgiving, my Dad had a massive heart attack.  I had been asleep, but I could hear commotion in the livingroom.  My Mom had already called 911.  My Dad was sitting in his recliner looking horrible, as one can expect.  I got dressed and moved my car around front so my Mom and I could follow behind as soon as the ambulance left.  Something went wrong.  The ambulance with my Dad in it sat in front of the house for an unGodly amount of time.  That’s when it really hit… it’s bad.  Finally they rushed off, but incredibly we beat them to the hospital.  As soon as they got him in a room, things went crazy.  All sorts of tests were run and it was crazy!  I had to leave the room… they didn’t want me in there for safety reasons.  A Doctor came in.  I can’t for the life of me remember his name, but I thought of him as my Dad’s miracle.  He immediately told us that my Dad had had a massive heart attack and he needed stints ASAP!  He only did 1 at the time, but he had said my Dad needed either 2 or 3, I can’t remember.  He couldn’t be given anesthesia because they figured once he went under he wouldn’t ever wake up again.  My Dad spent Thanksgiving in the hospital.  My Mom spent it at work trying to make up sometime.  I spent half of it in the hospital with Dad and a little bit of it out at Victor’s families house.  He came home sometime in the next week, but we knew he would have to get the additional stints later on.  The miracle Doctor also found tons of blockages in my Dad’s leg and tentatively scheduled surgery for that in June 2006.

Thursday night before Christmas 2005 I heard commotion in the living room.  I had been asleep, but woke suddenly.  My Dad thought he was having another heart attack.  My Mom had called 911 and things were off again.  I don’t remember much from this eperience because it didn’t seem that bad.  Luckily, my Dad wasn’t having another heart attack, he just couldn’t breathe.  He had actually made the statement at home that this time was worse than the other times.  We find out he had COPD and emphsyema (though we had susepcted that).  My Dad ended up spending almost all day Christmas in the hospital, but they did release him in time for presents.  That was by far the worst Christmas ever.  I was all alone Christmas Eve wrapping presents and balling my eyes out at the same time. 

Spring forward to February, it was time for the additional stint surgery.  Things went good.  He was put in a twilight sleep, but was busy talking away while the surgery was going on.  Things seemed to be going good.  I finally got a job April 24 that I was to start May 1.  I ended up with a really bad ear infection that weekend and I had to go to the Minor Emergency Clinic and get a shot and medicine.  I remember being angry at my Dad for not coming with my Mom to meet Victor and I at the Doctor.  I knew my Dad hadn’t been feeling well.  He had been having trouble going to the bathroom.  I believe Sunday he was unable to keep any food down.  May 1, my first day at my job, I had to work late and missed one of my classes.  My Dad called worried about me.  This is one of the last memories I have of my Dad.  I didn’t get home until after 10 and my Dad was already in bed.  I said my usual bye to him Tuesday morning.  When I called at lunch time, my Mom told me he was being admitted to the hospital.  She had taken him to the Doctor that morning because he wasn’t able to use the bathroom and couldn’t keep anything down.  I got a little panicked.  But I went on with work.  I think I let some people know, just incase I needed to leave or something.  That night I went to the hospital.  My Mom met me in the front because I didn’t know where he was at.  I had brought him some leftover chicken from Chick-Fil-A as a treat.  Before we went up my Mom told me his kidneys had failed.  I was lost.  What does this mean?  I figured it could be fixed, and that was the least of our worries, right?!  They were running a battery of tests and they finally found out what his stomach problems were.  Part of his intestines had scarring and had knotted and such.  That needed to be fixed ASAP.  We sat and watched Big Momma’s House for awhile, but we had to leave.  His surgery was scheduled for 4pm Wednesday I believe.  I called often and I even got to talk to my Dad some.  For some odd reason, I wasn’t too worried about the surgery, even though they had to put him completely under.  My Dad was invincible, remember.  The surgery took along time.  People updated us and said he was doing good.  They finally finished around 6 or 7 and we got to briefly see him in recovery.  Oh my God… that wasn’t my Dad.  What I saw reminded me of my Grandma the last time we saw her, he wasn’t the same man.  He had aged so much and he looked so bad.  He mumbled something and they told us to go up to ICU and sit in the waiting room as he would be up there shortly.  We sat up there for 2 hours waiting on him to get up there.  I still don’t know what went on.  I was exhuasted and so was my Mom, but we waited and waited.  We had to tell him bye and let him know we loved him.  The next two days he wasn’t very concious.  He was on morphine and not very communicative, as you can expect after major surgery.  They said everything was coming along fine and he could possibly be out by my birthday or the day after. 

Saturday I had to go up to school super early in the morning to take my finals.  Afterwards I went to the hospital to see my Daddy.  He seemed more awake and alert.  He was talking and communicating really well.  He kept pushing the morphine button, and for some reason this was funny and cute.  I can’t remember why… I think he thought it was something else, or something, but my Mom and I got a giggle.  My Mom and I left to go apartment hunting.  I was moving out on my own (again) but needed to find an apartment in my price range.  We finally found one not too far from the hospital and I was super excited!  My Mom dropped me back off at the hosptial as she had to get to Cedar Hill – we were in Las Colinas- to pick up my birthday cake.  It was raining.  She came back and we sat and talked.  I tried showing him the floorplan and talking about the apartment, but he was getting tired.  Around 5 or 6 he told us to head home before it got dark.  We didn’t really quetion since we didn’t want to agitate, but it was May and we still had a ways to go before it got dark.  We figured he was being his normal paranoid self, he always worried so much about it.  We couldn’t give him an actualy kiss.  The way the bed was set up, we couldn’t reach, so I kissed my hand and put it to him.  That was the last time I saw my Dad alive.  We hurried home because Victor was going to take me somewhere special for dinner.  I took a shower when I got home.  I was getting ready and my cell phone rang.  I didn’t know the number but I answered it.  They asked me if I was my Mom, I said no, but I’m her daughter.  They told me we needed to get back to the hospital as soon as possible, my Dad was aspirating.  I immediately started crying and asked if he was going to be OK… they wouldn’t answer, just told me to get there soon.  I was hysterical and couldn’t get it all out to my Mom so I ran to get dressed and the whole time I was saying to myself he would be OK, he would be OK, he couldn’t leave me.  I know Victor was there.  I ran back out and my Mom had grabbed my phone and called them back.  I could tell from her face and her voice things weren’t good.  I asked Victor what she had said because she was still on the phone.  I ran and sat on the couch beside her.  She hung up the phone and was crying.  She told me he had died.  I screamed and kicked the coffee table… I think I fell on the floor at some point.  I didn’t even know what to do.  We needed to get there to him.  My Mom was hysterical.  Just thinking about her on that day kills me, because as competely heart-broken and devastated as I was, I was so incredibly worried about my Mom.  She insisted on driving, but I wouldn’t let her.  I tried to make her laugh on the way there, because clearly this was a mistake.  She had called her sister, whom she hadn’t spoken too in years (her and my Dad didn’t get along) and they were going to meet us up there.  I remember Victor had called his Mom while we were still at home.  She wanted to talk to me, but I didn’t want to talk to anyone.  I know I talked to her at some point, but I don’t think it was until after we got home.  I remember he went into my room to call her… he had a few tears in his eyes.  Anyways, we finally made it to the hospital, it took awhile because we lived in Duncanville at the time.  I was shaking I was so scared to go into that hospital and see my Dad for the last time.  We were silent as death.  That elevator ride up to the ICU was hours long and I was absoultely terrified.  The doors opened and I saw the nurse… she was his nurse.  We had met her earlier.  She had called my Dad Sunshine.  When I saw her and she started walking towards us, I lost it.  I didn’t care that there were people around, my Dad was dead and I was going to see him for the last time and alls he would ever be was a memory.  I cried and cried.  She hugged me and said she was so sorry.  They took us into his room.  It was dark and the doors and been closed and the curtains drawn.  There were no beeps, just dead silence.  And there he was.  He was laying in the bed.  They had him covered up.  His arms were so bruised.  There was dried blood coming from his nose.  I wouldn’t say he looked peaceful, but he didn’t look horrible either.  I didn’t even know what to do.  I held his hand and rubbed his arm.  I gave him a kiss on the forehead.  I remember not ever wanting to leave that room because it would mean he was gone from me forever.  I don’t remember a lot.  I just was talking to him in my head over and over again.  My aunt, uncle, and 3 cousins showed up.  They came in the room and gave my Mom and I hugs.  I know Victor was there, but he was somewhat in the background.  They stayed in there for awhile.  One of his doctors came in and said she was sorry.  She asked if we wanted an autopsy done, we declined.  She said a prayer with us and was gone.  The others left the room and my Mom and I visited with him.  Then we each let the other have some alone time.  Then we were all back in there together.  I know at some point my Mom and I noticed his feet were uncovered and he was missing a sock.  We covered his feet up because he hated having cold feet.  I took the missing sock and have kept it in my pocket or under my pillow at all times since then.  We finally left, I wanted to because I knew he wouldn’t want all those people in there staring at him.  We all went back to our house.  I didn’t want to be alone.  I have never cried so hard in my life.  Pretty soon, the rest of the family left after visiting with us for awhile, except my Aunt.  She stayed to be with my Mom.  We made a McDonalds run because none of us had eaten in awhile.  I had a HORRIBLE headache.  I got a McFlurry that I never touched.  I could hardly breathe out of my nose from all the crying.  At some point we finally went to bed.  Victor stayed and slept in my bed with me.  Oddly enough, I have never slept as good as I did that night.  I slept very deeply and never woke up once.  I had the sock in my hand and never let it go.

And I spent my birthday planning my Dad’s funeral.  He was cremeated and buried at the Dallas Ft. Worth National Cemetery for those who have been in the service.  And I miss him so much.

This is honestly the first time I have thought about my Dad in a long time.  I don’t think about him to keep myself from falling apart.  Maybe one day I can think about him and not bust into tears.  Maybe this blog will help me.  I apologize for the length.  Honestly, I started out writing a blog about how I need to change my view of his death.  But, after seeing the length, I can’t touch on that right now.  I guess I made the choice to work on some mental healing :).  To those of you brave enough to read through all of this, I applaud you.

To my Dad: you are the best Father who ever walked this planet.  I can only hope to be half the person you were.  I love you so incredibly much, even though at times you must think I have forgotten you.  Please know you are in my heart every day!  You are my hero and I will forever miss you.  I love you.

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September 10, 2008 at 1:50 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

I was in love for awhile today.  With a puppy.  And now my love is gone because we did the right thing and returned her, TWICE!!!  To some people who I do not like now.  I have never met them, but I know I do not like them, because I have a good idea what they will do with her.  See, this beautiful little girl just so happens to be a Pit Bull.  And while I am slightly afraid of them, she was beautiful and sweet and wanted me to be her Mommy and Victor to be her Daddy.  These “owners” live about 4 houses down and they don’t know how to keep their puppy in their house, apparently. 

I got home around 5 today and my Mom was coming over to drop some printing off.  When I got home, our next door neighbor had the preciousness in his arms and was knocking on his neighbors door to see if the puppy was there.  He then headed my way and asked if it was our puppy, which of course it wasn’t.  He put her on the ground and said he was going to leave her outside for awhile to see if she could wonder back to her home on her own.  Well, naturally the puppy fowllowed me to my front door.  I just stood there, for what felt like an eternity, but in actuality was probably a whole 2 minutes, just looking at her.  She was oh so cute and so playful, but there was no way I could let her in my house.  I mean, come on, I have 4 cats, and I love them all very much (although the white on is testing me with his potty problems).  So I went inside and closed the front door almost all the way and she yelped, and continued to yelp.  I walked away, yes apparently I can be a cold-hearted wench.  When I thought she had gone, because I couldn’t see her out any of the windows, I stupidly opened the front door back up, and she magically reappeared in 2 seconds flat!

I closed the door again and just completely walked away.  I wondered aimlessly around the house, begging for it’s Mom and Dad to come get her so I wouldn’t cry.  I went into the bedroom and looked out our huge window, and I could see her standing at the front door.  So I put Keegan on the window sill to see her… he meowed and stared.  The puppy finally noticed and stared back.  I then put Payton on the window sill and pointed the puppy out to her.  The puppy was very interested in Ms. P.  They all just stared, and the puppy barked a bit.  Then she walked away.  Whew!  So I went into the computer room to study and whatnot.  Oh if the story only ended there.  My next door neighbor’s dogs were incessantly barking and driving me crazy, so I looked out the window thinking maybe the puppy might be there.  And sure enough, she was just wondering around their fence in our driveway.  I watched her and then she disappeared again, so I sat down.  Naturally little Ms. Curiosity would end up in the back part of our driveway where tons of trash is (don’t ask, it’s all the stuff we picked up from the backyard when we bought the place, and the City won’t pick it up… so don’t ask because I just told you :)).  Mind you I’ve been blowing up my husbands phone because AHHHHH I just don’t know what to do. 

I didn’t want to let her in because I knew what would happen.  I knew I would fall in love with her and not want to give her back to the poor excuse of a human who “owned” her.  But I finally gave in, the weather was nasty and rainy, and she’s just an ittle bittle baaaaaaaaaby.  So I went to the garage conversion and tapped on the window.  She heard me and came pounding over.  I let her in and so began the love affair.  Since the garage conversion is exactly as it sounds, I could keep the cats out and feed her and water her and play with her cuteness without worrying about hisses and growls and claws.  Let me tell you, she’s a biter!  And she doesn’t like getting yelled at.  We played together for almost 2 hours before Victor finally got home.  And so began his love affair.  Anyways, we let her out into the great big world of cats and, suprisingly enough, there wasn’t too much violence.  All the cats are intact and not in hiding right now.  And they aren’t even mad at us, though there were hisses and growls, and one swat from Brianna because she was the unfortunate recipient of a tail bite.

We finally decided to do the right thing and try to find her home.  Victor took her out to use the bathroom and to knock on some doors.  I, of course, stayed home, because that’s what I do.  I believe the “owners” were in house 3 and they spoke no English.  He put the puppy down and she immediately ran back towards him.  He placed her in the house and turned around and walked back home.  He made sure to tell everyone at every house between theirs and ours that the next time she gets out, just bring her to us.  Victor wasn’t back home for 5 minutes before I looked out the office window and saw her!  AGAIN!!!!  She looked up at the window, saw us, and ran to the garage conversion door to be let back in.  I immediately ran to let her in and Victor called his Mom to see what we should do.  See, we don’t want to make enemies of our neighbors, but clearly these people don’t deserve that sweet, loving baby.  She follows me everywhere, and when Daddy scares or hurts her, she would run back to me.  He made the executive decision, to once more take her back, because this would also be considered stealing and, well we really don’t want to go to jail.  Those stupid people hadn’t even come looking for her!  I know he asked if we could keep her, but clearly they said no… he thinks.

For the first time in a long time, Victor was truly happy.  He’s wanted a puppy for so long, and she was just so cute.  She’s completely submissive to the cats and really doesn’t pay much attention to them.  She just had such a sweet nature.  Now Victor keeps looking outside and opening doors to see if he can see her.  We don’t want her to get run over or anything.  We just want that baby girl.  So sweet and innocent.  I will be so angry if something happens to her!  People like that seriously piss me off!!!!  Take care of your animals!  They aren’t for your entertainment, they need love and necessities.  If you can’t take care of them, then give them to someone who can and wants to!

So dear Puppy, we will love you and miss you!  And just come on back anytime you decide you’ve had enough!  We have plenty of love to give!

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September 9, 2008 at 2:24 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

I have unforutnately been down and out this past week.  I was the (un)lucky receipient of a Labor Day cold!  I basically spent my glorious 3 day weekend in bed, sleeping, or thinking about sleeping, or cursing my head, or all of the above.  Last Thursday I had a horrible!!!! headache!  I had moments where I thought I might possibly keel over and die.  And it did not go away.  OK, let me rephrase that, it never completely went away, until I ended up SICK on Monday morning.  It was dull, and then sharp, sharp and then dull for four stinkin’ days (please say that like that one Uruk-hai <yes I had to look up the spelling!> in LOTR:TT after they’ve been running with Merry and Pip… towards the beginning… am LOSER)!  And then, when at last it subsided, I was sick!  Naturally.  And, me being the brave soul I am, I indeed went to work all 4 (!) days last week.  By time Friday came around, I was death on toast!  I was so exhausted and tired and whiney.  Anyways, I still don’t feel so well, but I know I’m getting better, slowly but surely.

In other news, we lost yet another employee.  Although loss is a nice term.  Basically, she was useless.  I’m sure she was a nice person, but that doesn’t make up for mistakes and bad attitudes.  And also walking out of a meeting, completely ridiculous.  That now makes 5 people since June 6th who have left/been fired.  I guess those people just couldn’t handle the business.  Seriously, it was all for the best.  Hopefully everything will be good from here on out.  It’s sad when you lose that many people and are still able to handle the load, etc.

I seriously planned on a much longer entry, but the hubs and I were watching videos on YouTube of all sorts of stuff.  It was actually quite pleasant, we really don’t have similar tastes for the most part.  So, that has been my night, purchasing online textbooks for school, scheduling mortgage payments, eating dinner, scooping litter, and watching videos with my man.  All in all, a great Monday!  Night folks!

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September 4, 2008 at 1:06 am (Uncategorized) (, , )

Something happened.  At work.  I’m not going to go into great and specific details, but it involved blogging.  And sitting in the boss’s office.  I’m sure you can get the hint.  Anyways, it scared me.  Infact, I had resigned myself to never blogging again.  But, as time wore on, I think I’m OK with it again.  I just hope no co-workers stumble on this site.  And not because I’m going to talk trash, but because I think it’s for the best.  Anyways, I think, for the most part, excluding some paranoia, I’m OK.

On August 15th, I went and “tried out” for my first clinical trial.  And I failed!  Well, I failed for the one I went for.  Instead, they signed me up for an anxiety study.  I originally went for a Fibromyalgia study, but they think I’m too young to have that, so they decided I have severe anxiety issues.  I’m not denying this, but I don’t think it causes all of my issues (ha, yes I am crazy!).  I’m willing to go along with it though.  I actually started the trial medicine this past Saturday, and so far, I’ve gotten sick!  It’s a cold/allergies, but it’s just kind of funny when you stop and think about it.  I don’t feel any different yet, but sometimes these things take time.  Of course I could have a placebo too, which would explain things.  Anyways, this is a totally new thing for me.  Everyone is nice, which is good, but it’s still something very different.

Off the top of my head, I can’t think of much that has changed recently.  Just busy working away.  Work is full of drama, but I think that is typical of any place.  Mine just tends to have more, possibly because there are tons of females.  At least, for the most part, no one truly hates anyone.  I think the nature of the business also plays a major role in it.  It’s a very stressful and hectic field, and I think we all need a release.

So anywho, this is my first update in weeks, I do apologize for that.  When I thought back to the last post I had done, I was a bit embarrassed, but I just couldn’t bring myself to even come to the wordpress website, let alone type a new entry.  However, I think I’ve managed to push through, so hopefully you will be seeing a lot more of me :).  Happy Humpday folks!

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The Great Pregnancy Scare of 2008

August 4, 2008 at 1:55 am (Uncategorized) (, , )

I thought it would be a fitting first post on my new blog, since that has bascially consumed my weekend!  I really haven’t been feeling well this month, at all. We moved into our new house on July 3rd and it’s been hotter than anything. I haven’t been eating much and I just have a constant nauseous feeling all day and night. I’m also extremely run down, and the smells of some foods make me want to barf! Clearly I’m pregnant, or so I thought this weekend.

Just to give you a background: I’ve been taking Yasmin since October 2004, and since starting this beautiful and expensive pill I have never been late… EVER!  I always start by 2pm on a Friday (sorry if this is TMI, but eh oh well), and when that hadn’t happened, and no cramps, I started getting a little paranoid.  Under normal circumstances (i.e. insured), this wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but with medical costs and baby costs, well, I think you get the picture.  I finally told the Hubs around 8pm Friday night and he seemed rather flippant about the whole thing.  I’m sure he thought I was being a complete nut job, which I can understand, but come on dude, I know my body… something aint right yo!  Well, I went to bed trying not to worry about it because I have been under a lot of stress lately and blah blah blah.  By Saturday morning, I still hadn’t started, so I became increasingly worried sending Victor update texts all day.  When he called during his lunch break, he wanted me to tell my Mom, so I did.  To make a long story short, we decided to go get a test just to put our minds at ease (nevermind the fact that she was kind of excited).  Since we had been eating at Red Lobster, and we had leftovers we decided to run those home first because it was just too stinking hot out to let anything sit.  While I was doing that, I decided to check, and lo and behold, I was pretty sure I finally started (this had happened Friday night, but abruptly stopped).  Since we already had plans to go to the store, we decided to go on our way and forget the test.  Shopping turned up nothing that I needed, so we came back home and I was soooooo tired, all I could think of was NAP!  So we took naps, and when I woke up, I had once again stopped.  At that point, we decided something was going on, and it wouldn’t do any harm to buy a test just to check things out.  So we did, and I had stage fright.  I drank two water bottles and just couldn’t freakin’ pee!!  And by the way, holy crap those things are complicated to use.  I was joking to my Mom that I would prefer a home blood test over that crap.  Anyways, I finally used the restroom, and as I’m sure you can tell, the test was negative.  Not only was it negative, my body decided to be quite sarcastic and start full fledged right after I took the test, cramps and all!

So, in conclusion, I’m a paranoid freak-o. Really, I’m not. All the signs pointed to pregnancy, but apparently my body just can’t handle that much stress. I’m assuming my next post will be much more jovial! Or not, considering we are mere hours from a Monday. Happy week folks!

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